This is a new experience. While I don't physically feel any different, which I didn't expect to, I definitely feel a difference. I haven't quite been able to place my finger on it but, I would say that 21 is a different experience all together. I would say I feel like I have more responsibilities, but I don't. The Christian life doesn't make a distinction between 20 and 21. It makes it clear, though, that as I grow in Christ, my life should continually be changing to look more like Him.
My culture will view me different now, though. I can drink. That's about the only difference. How sad. If that's the only difference they see in me, what a waste of my life. I want to be going beyond and creating a different lifestyle for myself.
My Savior is far more beautiful than the life this world has to offer me. This life leads to depression, anxiety, disorders, and ultimately death. I don't want that. I want this Christ who rescued me so long ago and has made me a new creation. (II Cor. 5:17) He has given me the opportunity (and command) to live a life that is glorifying to Him. He has given me gifts with which to best do this.
I am SO BLESSED to have a life each and every day. Each morning He gives me new mercy and the grace which He has bestowed upon us is sufficient (Lam. 2:22-23 and II Cor. 12:9). Each morning when He grants me another day, I am so thankful.
But sometimes I still struggle. And I was thinking, if Jesus really IS so beautiful to me...above all these temptations...then why do I struggle? Well, because until the glorification, I will still be fighting the flesh. In my weakness, He is strong. But kind of like Romans 6, I should not continue just accepting my weakness and not fighting the flesh. God is not glorified MORE in my weakness, but He does SHINE in my weakness. His strength is seen clearly, but it is also seen in the transformation of my life through Him.
I have been involved in an INCREDIBLE discipleship opportunity this semester. (To see the kind of stuff we're working with, click on Brian and go to the "resources" section. The document entitled "The Bridge" is an incredible way to share Christ!) Through this group, I have learned and grown a lot! God is really working in me to see the even deeper impacts of His salvation on my life. There are days when I feel like I'll never stop learning about Christ. And I won't. He brought me to Himself, and the more I know Him, the more I love Him, and the more I love Him, the more I seek to know Him. It's a glorious circle of loving and knowing the Christ who has saved me.
As I continue through my junior year, God has been blessing me with the best friends I could ever have asked for. They encourage me, humble me when necessary, and are not afraid to call me out. Praise the LORD for these kinds of people!
Also, as a sidenote: Thank you to all my friends and family who have wished me a Happy 21st! I greatly appreciate and love each one of you! You have meant more to me than I could ever explain! Thank YOU for being faithful in our relationships, and forgiving me when I fail you. :)
Friday, February 27, 2009
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
SE Asia
Tonight, I miss SE Asia. It weighs heavy on my heart.
My friends and family there are on my mind. My heart beats to see them once more. I feel much like Paul when he says, "This is the reason why I have so often been hindered from coming to you. But now, since I no longer have any room for work in these regions, and since I have longed for many years to come to you, I hope to see you in passing as I go to Spain, and to be helped on my journey there by you, once I have enjoyed your company for a while...I know that when I come to you I will come in the fullness of the blessing of Christ. I appeal to you, brother, by our Lord Jesus Christ and by the love of the Spirit, to strive together with me in your prayers to God on my behalf, that I may be delivered from the unbelievers in Judea, and that my service for Jerusalem may be acceptable to the saints, so that by God's will I may come to you with joy and be refreshed in your company. May the God of peace be with you all. Amen." (Romans 15:22-24, 29-33)
A precursor to these verses is Romans 15:20-21 which says, "and thus I make it my ambition to preach the gospel, not where Christ has already been named, lest I build on someone else's foundation, but as it is written, 'Those who have never been told of him will see, and those who have never heard will understand.'" Just like Paul, this is why I cannot yet return to SE Asia.
My heart aches like this. I know there is a purpose that I am not going back this summer. I know there is a purpose for me in another place. I know there is a purpose for all that happens in my life and yet my heart aches to be back. Tears are brought to my eyes as I remember so many faces, names, and hearts. So many friendships began and so many friendships have continued. I am so blessed by my Creator to have had this opportunity. I understand I may never go back, but just like Paul, I know that when I do (if I do), it will be in the fullness of the blessing of Christ. My heart aches. My eyes water. I miss this place.
Please pray. Pray for peace, pray for calm, pray for opportunities. I want so desperately to go back if the opportunity ever presents itself. I have a place to go, I have people to stay with, I just need the opportunity. But God has not provided that and I know it may never come. I am ok with that, but it will be a painful experience. I have cried many tears. I believe I left my heart in SE Asia.
My friends and family there are on my mind. My heart beats to see them once more. I feel much like Paul when he says, "This is the reason why I have so often been hindered from coming to you. But now, since I no longer have any room for work in these regions, and since I have longed for many years to come to you, I hope to see you in passing as I go to Spain, and to be helped on my journey there by you, once I have enjoyed your company for a while...I know that when I come to you I will come in the fullness of the blessing of Christ. I appeal to you, brother, by our Lord Jesus Christ and by the love of the Spirit, to strive together with me in your prayers to God on my behalf, that I may be delivered from the unbelievers in Judea, and that my service for Jerusalem may be acceptable to the saints, so that by God's will I may come to you with joy and be refreshed in your company. May the God of peace be with you all. Amen." (Romans 15:22-24, 29-33)
A precursor to these verses is Romans 15:20-21 which says, "and thus I make it my ambition to preach the gospel, not where Christ has already been named, lest I build on someone else's foundation, but as it is written, 'Those who have never been told of him will see, and those who have never heard will understand.'" Just like Paul, this is why I cannot yet return to SE Asia.
My heart aches like this. I know there is a purpose that I am not going back this summer. I know there is a purpose for me in another place. I know there is a purpose for all that happens in my life and yet my heart aches to be back. Tears are brought to my eyes as I remember so many faces, names, and hearts. So many friendships began and so many friendships have continued. I am so blessed by my Creator to have had this opportunity. I understand I may never go back, but just like Paul, I know that when I do (if I do), it will be in the fullness of the blessing of Christ. My heart aches. My eyes water. I miss this place.
Please pray. Pray for peace, pray for calm, pray for opportunities. I want so desperately to go back if the opportunity ever presents itself. I have a place to go, I have people to stay with, I just need the opportunity. But God has not provided that and I know it may never come. I am ok with that, but it will be a painful experience. I have cried many tears. I believe I left my heart in SE Asia.
Saturday, February 7, 2009
Weekends
Normally my weekends are pretty busy. I guess you could say this one is, as well, but not in the usual way.
Currently I am sitting on my bed, taking a break from reading, and listening to some Trace Bundy. Check out his music. Anyway, Ruthie Wilkins is on my floor working on art homework, and her roommate Kelly is with us reading Twilight. Elizabeth will be meeting us soon for dinner. But the point of what I was getting at is that I'm here, on campus, doing homework. This is not my normal Saturday. Normally I am at Caleb and David's house by around 6:30 PM going to college group and then hanging out for a few hours. But not tonight. I am on duty! :)
I get the privilege (and responsibility) of staying on campus all weekend and leaving up my name, number, and room number in case a resident here in the dorms needs my assistance. (Resident ASSISTANT haha)
Also, there is another purpose to this weekend. One which I am grateful for. This weekend is dedicated to speific prayer for a specific area in my life. One which I take seriously and one in which I want to glorify God with all my decisions and actions. I have not yet gotten time to myself so as to be in prayer, but I have some time set aside later on for me to be alone and dedicated strictly to prayer.
I have found that prayer and Bible reading in solitude is a great asset to my walk with Christ. Without these things, I would be worthless to people each and every day. But by doing these things, I allow God to work through me in other people. If I am not spending time in His word and with Him in open and REAL (including listening) communication, yes, of course He can still use me, but that is not the point. I NEED this time with Him to be effective in my life. I NEED this time with Him because I love Him and I need time with those I love.
Currently I am sitting on my bed, taking a break from reading, and listening to some Trace Bundy. Check out his music. Anyway, Ruthie Wilkins is on my floor working on art homework, and her roommate Kelly is with us reading Twilight. Elizabeth will be meeting us soon for dinner. But the point of what I was getting at is that I'm here, on campus, doing homework. This is not my normal Saturday. Normally I am at Caleb and David's house by around 6:30 PM going to college group and then hanging out for a few hours. But not tonight. I am on duty! :)
I get the privilege (and responsibility) of staying on campus all weekend and leaving up my name, number, and room number in case a resident here in the dorms needs my assistance. (Resident ASSISTANT haha)
Also, there is another purpose to this weekend. One which I am grateful for. This weekend is dedicated to speific prayer for a specific area in my life. One which I take seriously and one in which I want to glorify God with all my decisions and actions. I have not yet gotten time to myself so as to be in prayer, but I have some time set aside later on for me to be alone and dedicated strictly to prayer.
I have found that prayer and Bible reading in solitude is a great asset to my walk with Christ. Without these things, I would be worthless to people each and every day. But by doing these things, I allow God to work through me in other people. If I am not spending time in His word and with Him in open and REAL (including listening) communication, yes, of course He can still use me, but that is not the point. I NEED this time with Him to be effective in my life. I NEED this time with Him because I love Him and I need time with those I love.
Sunday, February 1, 2009
Superbowl Sunday
So here I am, hanging out with Caleb and David while the Superbowl plays on in the other room.
I am a big fan of sports and I definitely miss the days when I played. Those were some GOOD times. :) But here's a thought...
Today during our college group, I definitely noticed we kept getting distracted by talk of the Superbowl rather than focusing solely on God's word (specifically Romans) and the concept of grace which we were talking about. Why are we so easily distracted by these temporal things which cause us to not focus on God and who He is and what He has taught us?
Not that football is bad. DON'T think that. Football is fun and I love hanging out with friends enjoying a game or whatever. I just wonder...why is it so hard to focus on God?
And not only today...but often I find myself praying, singing, or reading and realize that for the past couple minutes I haven't noticed anything I've been trying to focus on, rather I'm completely consumed in what my plans are for the next day, week, or whatever. Sometimes spring break even consumes my thoughts and that's 6 weeks away!! (from today haha)
I pray that I would learn better to quiet my heart, or rather allow God to, and focus on Him and only Him. I pray that I would learn to listen better when I pray and when I take times to just be quiet.
Happy Superbowl Sunday :)
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