Recent discoveries

I recently discovered this "journal entry" of sorts on my computer. Apparently I wrote it on July 31st of this year. It still rings so true in my heart, though. I read it and was amazed to see I felt just as strongly, if not stronger, than when I wrote this...

SE Asia is weighted heavily on my mind and heart today. There is so much pain in the world. Everywhere we look there is some sort of pain. And while I went for three weeks, there is far more work to be done. While I can’t cure or alleviate pain, Christ can give peace to those who will trust in Him. There is no cure for pain; there is a place of peace.

 

I truly started some great relationships while I was gone, and now the impact of not being able to really deepen them is hitting me. I would love to go out to dinner with two wonderful women who did a lot of translating for me. I would love to spend a day with a specific family I know who truly loves Christ and glorifies Him in their lives. I would love to spend a day hanging out with an awesome God-loving family that I got the opportunity to stay with for a night. I truly become saddened when I realize that I must WAIT before seeing them again. It is hard for me to not be able to pick up the phone and call and make plans to see them soon.

 

Patience. That’s always been hard for me. “Wait until you’re 16 to drive.” “Wait until you’re 18 to vote.” “Wait until you’re older for this…” “Wait until we’ve talked before that…” That’s always been a real struggle for me. I’m a person of plans and actions. Once I know what I want to do, I take action upon things to make it happen. I’m a little like the apostle Peter in that sense. I’m always acting. I need to stop and think a little more before acting sometimes. Sometimes the quick action leads to longer lasting consequences.

 

Sometimes quick action is needed, but more often than not, my impatience leads to lessons learned the hard way. I will be praying a lot about this in the upcoming year. There are many opportunities being laid before me and, while I need to make decisions, I need to be wise, as well.

So concludes the entry I found on my computer. I already knew this next year would require great patience and a willingness to learn. It's funny to me (in an interesting way) that I still am seeing that this patience is so greatly needed. I feel that this trip wasn't just a 3 week high, but rather God preparing my heart to understand His a little more in this special way. I pray He will continue to reveal His heart to me, and bring mine more in accord with His.

Thoughts and Procrastination...

I unexpectedly had a day off of work today. When I learned this, I was quite happy. It left me with HOURS more time to work on a paper due Thursday (for which I feel completely unprepared).

My paper is a reflection on Acts 17 where Paul is addressing the Areopagus. I am to "Reflect on the challenges Paul faced and how he sought to overcome them." I should also include personal reflections on the text as well as what I learned and how I see myself using it...

*sigh* It's quite an assignment. I have been reading through Acts 17 (as well as Romans 1 and Colossians 1...as my professor suggested) for the past 1 1/2 weeks. I am gleaning a little more each time I read it but I still feel like I am missing something huge.

I e-mailed my professor and he was a great help, actually...but this is all beside the point.

I got out of class, had lunch with a good friend, received an unexpected phone call from a good friend, and then spent some time talking to another good friend. (Apparently good is the word of the day. ha.) I then returned to my room to work on my paper. I saw how cluttered my desk was and realized there was no way I could get work done on it. I cleaned it off, then felt the need to clean next to my desk. I finally realized I was procrastinating and sat down at the desk, turned on my computer, and got ready to work...

Here I am. Still procrastinating. But here is why:

God is SO good. There is SO MUCH He has to show me and teach me. This year is going to be PACKED with lessons and growth. I can just tell. You know those feelings you have but they're solidly based...so even though the exact words "Becca, I'm going to grow you" were not spoken, it is very apparent in my life.

My heart (as I have said SO many times) is longing for Indonesia. But before I go back for a longer time, I must be grown, stretched, and taught. Also, there are many ways God is going to use me here. I've already seen it starting. I wouldn't trade this experience for anything. It can be hard to be patient for next summer, but I don't want to miss out on a single thing God has for me.

I was struck on my walk back to my room with thoughts about singleness. Hot topic in the college age group (just in case you didn't know). I am so happy being single right now. I am able to devote so much time to so many areas that I am longing to grow in. There are so many things I want to do while I'm in college. Of course I'm not saying I'd oppose a relationship, but I really like where God has me. He is teaching me so much and revealing Himself to me in so many ways right now. He is good.

Prayer:

*Indonesia

*my willingness to grow

*my hall in the dorms

Puji Tuhan! (Praise God!)

Earthquakes and Indonesia

I remember back in my sophomore year of high school (or maybe the beginning of junior year?) there was a MASSIVE earthquake/tsunami in the Aceh area of Indonesia. Saddest part about it? I was so wrapped up in my own world I didn't pay much attention.

Well, this summer, as many of you know, that's exactly where I was. Not in the Aceh area, but in Indonesia. Yesterday there was another earthquake. It started at 6.6. For more information, see

http://www.iht.com/articles/ap/2008/09/11/asia/AS-Indonesia-Earthquake.php

This is an article on the earthquake, some people it affected, and it also gives a quick history/background on recent earthquakes in Indonesia.

My heart longs to go back. Thankfully I saw one of my friends online last night and then received an e-mail from another one this morning so I know they are all well and safe. Puji Tuhan! (Praise God!)

God is so good and He has opened and closed doors and placed a burden on my heart for these people that I love. Indonesia has somewhat created an earthquake in my heart...as cheesy as that sounds...

God (through Indonesia) has upheaved all these former priorities in my heart and rearranged quite a bit. I am beginning to have a better grip on reality, adulthood, and the purpose of Christians. My heritage, traced back to Jesus, is all about pressing the Gospel. My heart longs to return to Indonesia and share the Gospel with all those people who have never heard of Christ...

There are so many lost and hurting people and I just want to reach out to them and share the hope and light of the Gospel which Christ has so wonderfully placed in my life. It was placed in my life that I might share it with others.

Pray for me. Decisions are coming up. Sign ups are soon. Many conversations and meetings to have. I'm excited!

Jazz, Phone Numbers, Apologetics, and the Gospel!

So today I was in Borders looking for a CD collection I need for my History of Jazz class. To make a long story short, I ran into a guy who gave me his phone number and told me to call him if I can't find the CD collection and I can burn his. (He bought the last one in the store about 3 minutes before I arrived).

At first I took the number and thought, "Well, if I really can't find it, sure." But the more I think about it, the more of an AWESOME opportunity it is! I can spend the time that I am burning CDs talking to him about Christ and the Gospel and also (sneaky me!) working on an Apologetics assignment.

We are required to talk to a non-believer about the history of mankind and get their views on where we're from, who we are, where we're headed, what they think possibly went wrong, and what eternity (if they believe in it) will look like. This is such a GREAT opportunity!

So my plans for Sunday? Going to church, getting fed and growing in the Word of God, and then spending the afternoon getting to share with someone new. And if he's a believer? GREAT! Either way, this is an awesome opportunity which has been placed in my life.

*Pray for my strength and courage that they would not fail.

*Pray also that I would be able to articulate the Gospel well.

*Pray also Eph. 6:19-20 for me. :)

God is good.

(And don't worry. I'm not going alone.)

Decisions, decisions...

So there are always new decisions to make.

What do I wear today?

What do I eat for dinner?

Should I really get a cookie for dessert?

What classes should I take?

Should I take a nap?

For most college students, the answer to the last question is YES but we rarely do...But I digress.

There have been a few things brought to my attention through conversations and through lectures in class over the last couple days that have made me think.

I'm 20. I'm going on 21. While sometimes I would kind of like to be in denial of that reality, it is still there. And that means a few things.

1) I need to be growing up.

2) I need to figure out HOW to grow up.

3) I need to be focusing on becoming the godly woman that I was created to be.

But with these realizations, there come questions.

1) What exactly does that mean?

2) How do I even figure out HOW to do that?

3) What does that look like in my life and how do I live it out?

I so desperately want to be who God created me to be that sometimes I think I overlook HOW to become that person. I need to be submitting to Him. Thankfully, He taught me recently what that looks like in my life. I now know better how to do just that.

Sometimes I have a chance to be growing and maturing and I turn it down because, even as I take action, I know I'm not taking the correct action. I'm taking the action to stay where it's easiest to be right now. (Side note: I'm not sure how much sense this is making. If none, I apologize.)

Currently, Indonesia has been pressed VERY HEAVILY upon my heart. The people, the need, the families...the list goes on. I know that has something to do with my future. I just know it. I'm not sure what role it will play exactly, but that is ok for now.

I believe that this realization that it's time to grow up has spawned many thoughts in my mind. There are many areas where I see a need for improvement. I spoke with my mom on the phone today and it was reassuring to hear her agreeing and encouraging me. She is such a source of truth in my life. Her answer?

To be turning to God and wrestling through these questions and issues.

Such a great answer. I need to be making decisions, wrestling with ideas, and dealing with issues. As I do this, growth will automatically happen. Most importantly, God will be shaping me into who I am meant to be.

I can't just ignore big issues and questions that come to mind. In class today we were discussing the common attitude of, "Well, if you don't know the answer, simply cling to faith."

But faith and reason belong together! While there truly are some things I won't understand until Heaven, there are so many things that I can find answers to satisfy me. And the more I research, the more questions will come, and the more research I will do. It's a wonderful cycle of faith and reason growing together! I would be completely ignorant to ignore my questions and just pretend to move on. As my professor said today, "The shadows of doubt will never go away." And if I ignore them, they just get worse.

Ok, I am done with my ranting and processing for the day. Classes have been awesome. My professors can't even say "Islamic" without my mind leaving and my heart going to Indonesia instantly. It's been an experience in learning what it means to have a heart for people.

So faithful!

In all honesty, even when I'm being pessimistic, God is so good. My family has been going through trials this summer (some pretty rough ones) and a family that is very close to my heart has struggled, as well. I cannot help, at the end of it all, but still see how good God is. He faithfully provides. It doesn't matter if you need comfort, love, physical needs, spiritual needs, whatever, He provides it. Sometimes it is hard to be faithful to Him through it all, but if we are rooted in His love, we will be able to stand strong in Him and Him alone.

I was talking with a very close friend last night and we were talking about confidence in ourselves. Christ is where my confidence lies. It is only when I try to be confident in myself that I stumble, fail, and feel hopeless. He is a constant source of confidence and strength in my life that I desperately need. He has given me talents and gifts that I should confidently use in the way that I best can.

This isn't a long blog; I realize that. It is just a reminder of His goodness and faithfulness even amidst our distress and frustrations. Even when maybe I am not being the "best" Christian, He is faithful to love me and continually point me in the right direction. I have more to write later about this past Sunday and what I learned from the lesson and my girls, but for now, this is just a reminder of His love and goodness.

School starts in 2 days! Bought books today :)