Supreme Court

This case will have far reaching implications for all followers of Christ, regardless of the decision made in the courts.

The Gospel is offensive. And it will be opposed because it is truth.

Transforming the Whole, not the Half....or the Third....or the Tenth...

When Christ draws a person to Himself, He transforms the entire person. Granted, we are left with the battle against sin, but He has changed who we are, where our identity lies, with whom we are now identified. But often, I believe we flee to our old identity in hopes of feeling familiar and "comfortable" in our lives. Oftentimes I think we forget our new identity - and we fall back on our past - what we know.



But what we know is no longer a part of us. Sin still entices, pulls, tempts, but Christ has conquered it. He has given us the liberty to say no to this sin which so easily and quickly pulls us down. He has given us the ability to choose righteousness (which we now serve) rather than choose sin. Sin is no longer a part of our identity, so if we are characterized by it, while calling ourselves followers of Christ - what has changed?



If the life I live is colored by sin, not by grace and obedience to righteousness, then how has it been washed clean? If the picture of my life is still black, and not changed to white by the washing of His blood, what looks different?



We cannot compartmentalize our life so that only part of us changes. The whole of us must be changed. Compartmentalization is not a lifestyle that the Christ of the Bible knew. He knew the lifestyle in which faith in God filtered into every area of life. In our spiritual life, we cannot only focus on Scripture memorization or Bible study or prayer, though these things are extremely critical. We must focus as well on how our faith affects every area of our life. Because it does. Our principle of loving the brothers must include the brothers that do not attend our specific church. Our principle of honesty must also deal directly with our economic/business ethics.

Medically we treat people holistically (or at least we should). Why would it not be the same way in Christianity? Why would Christ not holistically transform our hearts? Why would He ever just change a part of us? Despite the cheesiness, if we were to look at a pie chart to tell us how much has changed since Christ entered our lives in a very real way, it should show 100%.

I fear though, that often it does not. It shows the areas we are comfortable with allowing change in, but not the areas which we already like. I am afraid that too often we show only a small percentage of change, not the whole person.

I challenge you (and myself) to do a self-evaluation and see where maybe we have been resisting His changes. Of course it is the job of the Holy Spirit to convict, not mine, but perhaps this is something we can all take some time to look at, pray about, and fall deeper in love with Christ, who is changing each and every one of us who have been so graciously called to life in Him.

Overwhelmed

I realize I have not blogged anything real deep as of late. And perhaps that is partially due to my lack of being deep lately. Not to mean that I don't have deep thoughts or moments, but that I have been so overwhelmed with the "deep" in my life that I do not have (seemingly) any time to just sit back and process.

And when I do, I feel as though I allow myself to begin a downward spiral of depressing and negative thoughts. My main goal is to begin focusing more on God's grace and saving power in my life. He IS my Lord and Sovereign Savior. There is NO other. He ALONE deserves my adoration and worship in the utmost sincerity and transparency.

And yet...I am called to be unified with the body of Christ in the same way the Trinity is unified. How is that possible? We have been so trained to be strong enough on our own, to resist help or "charity" and to keep our hardships and struggles to ourselves. By hardships and struggles, I mean anything from sin to financial to relationship issues. We are taught that we can handle it on our own, we certainly don't need help.

Of course we all have our friendships where we are this transparent and unified. But not always with the whole Body. And I would like to be. So often, though, I think I get caught up in my pride that I am not willing to put myself out there to be hurt or offended long enough to develop these intimate relationships with other believers. And why not? For who else on earth would understand as wholly as these people who share this sweet sweet grace of Christ? They alone understand His importance and my struggles with remembering to place Him above all else. The non-believer does not understand that He must reign or all else is doomed for failure.

I think that I most definitely have moments where I think of myself more highly than I ought, which Paul warned me against in Philippians. In those exact words. God knew. He knew this would always be an issue. Even in my own family I see myself comparing, one-upping, and other things, constantly trying to make myself seem better than I really am. Even in my family! The one place (other than the church) where I should be accepted and loved no matter my faults.

Not that those faults should be condoned, but accepted. We all have them, and as we hold each other accountable and grow, these faults should fade as Christ begins to shine.

See? Overwhelmed.

As I live my life, and He directs my paths, I pray that I will constantly be aware of my sin which is "ever before me" (Psalm 51:3) without drowning in it, but rather being washed in the grace of Christ each and every day. For His grace truly is enough for each day. I am no longer condemned, but free to serve His grace and mercy each day. (Romans 8:1)

"O to grace how great a debtor daily I'm constrained to be!

Let Thy goodness like a fetter, bind my wandering heart to Thee
Prone to wander Lord I feel it, prone to leave the God I love
Here's my heart Lord, take and seal it, seal it for Thy courts above"

(sing365.com - "Come Thou Fount")

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone. Let's all be immensely thankful for His grace.

A New Chapter (lasting 7 months)

Well, I am engaged. Finally. Here it is! The wedding is coming and I am more than ready for it. The only things I have left to plan are.....well......EVERYTHING. But I refuse to get overwhelmed. I'm sure I will at some point but I am insisting on enjoying the engagement for as long as possible while planning a little at a time.

I cannot announce a date yet for many reasons...the main one being we just can't settle on one.

But we are hoping for early next summer!! :) We are so excited and believe me, we understand the difficulties that will be coming...at least in theory! David and I have gone through a lot and I just KNOW we have a LOT left to go through in our lives together.

But that's just it...our lives TOGETHER. Maybe better said "our life." I am so thankful for this opportunity God has given us. To be bonded together in the image of Christ and the church. Granted, we are not perfect, nor will we ever be, but this is a chance to learn, grown, love, and show grace to one another daily. We will fail probably every day, we will struggle every day, but that's just it. God's grace is new every day when I fail. I struggle every day.

I was recently told Christianity is a fighting religion...and if no fighting is going on, what growth is there? What benefit?

Well, I may not be overwhelmed by planning, but I am overwhelmed by exhaustion. Good night, all.

Recent Photos

For those of you who do not know who my boyfriend, David, is...here are a few photos. These were recently taken by the wonderful Sarah McKenzie. Her website is located at the bottom of this post.

To see more of her work, or contact her, please visit www.sarah-mckenzie.smugmug.com

Thank you!!

Manila, Philippines

Please read this. Manila has been ravaged by a massive flooding.

"Satisfy My Soul"

Last night I had the privilege of being in Laguna Beach, CA and witnessing the engagement of Jon and Julia! It was a wonderful event and we all enjoyed it so much. After Jon proposed we all headed to BJ's Restaurant and had a great dinner. Afterwards, as David and I were leaving, I looked to my right through my window and noticed a store called "Satisfy My Soul."

Interestingly enough, instead of even wondering what all they sold (though I could tell from the display that it was mostly clothes) I began to wonder what all we try to satisfy our souls with. For some people I'm sure it's food, for others music, for others sports, and for others drugs. We try to fill it with absolutely everything that we can, completely disregarding Christ.

The message of Christ, though, is that HE ALONE satisfies our soul. Should He call us to Himself, we can do nothing but fall down in adoration and worship. His beauty, when set on display, satisfies our soul in such a way that we would ideally never look for anything else in this life. However, being human, even Christians search after things to "supplement" the satisfaction of Christ. This is us returning to our fallen nature and clinging to our sin. Pray constantly that He would remind you of His beauty that surpasses anything this life and world have to offer.

I am with you in this struggle, constantly reminding myself of His beauty and greatness and striving to seek after Him alone.

Press on for His glory.

And so it begins...

Just a little update on the end of summer, also known as the beginning of school...

I moved into a new home on Friday of last week, and I am very excited to report that I LOVE it!! I am living with my cousin, his wife, and their little baby boy who is absolutely precious!!

Since then I have celebrated David's 21st birthday...multiple times...and there is still one moer celebration scheduled for tomorrow afternoon. That boy has a birthWEEK apparently. :)

Classes started this morning. I live 20 minutes away from campus, but parking is so bad I try to be here by 7:20 AM for good parking for my 8 AM class...every day of the week...but it's ok. I loved my professor this morning who said, "My name is Mark. Though around here I guess I'm professor Turney...at home I'm Take Out The Trash." He then proceeded to inform us that for our 8-9:20 AM class, we will begin around 8:20 and end by 9:10. Awesome! He is also not a morning person, and neither am I. We will be great friends.

At 9:30 this morning I had my next class with Jeff Lewis. We are told not to call him Mr. Lewis or Professor Lewis or Dr. Lewis, but simply Jeff. I like him. I've had him once before about 1 1/2 years ago for an Intro class. He teaches Global Studies classes and the one I'm currently enrolled in for Tuesday and Thursday mornings focuses specifically on transferring my marketable giftings (what I'm good at) to other cultures in a way that can further advance the kingdom. I am very excited for this class as I will get to study a specific city (hopefully one I've fallen in love with already) and create an "entrance strategy" which is the method which I will use to create a position that utilizes my giftings to the fullest.

Tomorrow I have Abnormal Psychology and then I have Christian Institutions and the Church.

We'll see how it goes! =)

Just a Thought

Just yesterday I was talking to a very wise woman. We were discussing the future and the present among other topics. One thing she said to me as we were discussing short term vs. long term missions was something along these lines:

So often we look towards the future - high school, college, career, family - and we think that when we get to each stage things will be better than they are now. But the reality is, we need to be content in what God has given us today. We need to make the most of it and be thankful for it because it is what we have. Things don't suddenly become perfect just because we're older or at a different stage in life.

These words have resounded in my heart over the last day even as I had a friend text me this morning about not wanting to wait 2 weeks before beginning college because she felt it would make things better. While I sympathize and definitely understand her feeling, I am reminded of the words spoken to me yesterday in pure honesty and love.

Praise God for the way He uses other believers in our lives.

The little things

Sometimes, I think when I read, I actually skim.

Sadly I'm pretty sure I've done this in my Bible reading as well.

Last night I was fully awake at 11:something PM. I didn't want to go to bed because I would just lay there wasting time trying to sleep when it was nowhere nearby.

So I went out to the dining room, turned on the light, sat at the table, and opened up John. As I was reading, I began noticing things I've never known before!

So I decided to let you (whoever you are) in on my findings:

John 6:16-21 is all about Jesus walking on water and the disciples seeing Him and being afraid. Verse 20-21 say, "But he said to them, 'It is I; do not be afraid.' Then they were glad to take him into the boat, and immediately the boat was at the land to which they were going." A MIRACLE! The moment Jesus stepped into the boat, the boat was at its destination.

Following that, I learned that Psalm 107:23-32 speaks of a group of people going out to sea and then it continues to speak of the LORD commanding the wind and waves! It speaks of the LORD causing the waves to be still and Him saving the people from distress.

This is also something I've never noticed before.

Last night I realized how much I miss when I "read my Bible" without giving much attention to it at all. It's sad. Something that, now that I'm aware of it, I'm fighting against. I'm not perfect, but it's a struggle I'd like to win. :) I want to know what I'm reading.

Something my boyfriend said to me tonight was great. He made a distinction between reading our Bible and understanding, applying, and memorizing it. Thanks, David. :) You encourage me.

Praise God for using people in the lives of others to teach and grow them.

The Word of the LORD

God is so faithful and true. He is awesome, good, holy, just, merciful, loving, powerful, and the list goes on. I could spend my whole life describing God. But one thing is definitely for sure - His Word is powerful and mighty.

Last year, as many of you know, I traveled to Indonesia on a missions trip. This year I went to the Philippines. I kept a very detailed journal of both trips. Last year, our team leader Anthony preached one Sunday and this year Dr. Mooney preached one Sunday.

The point, however, is the way God has used His Word.

I was going through my Indonesia journal just a couple hours ago and found some great encouragement in words I had written based on Anthony's sermon.

Here is an excerpt of my sermon notes:

"A lot of times we don't see the good in many events in our lives.
The aim of God is that His people be shaped to look like Jesus (in Rom. 8:28).
In past eternity God has set His heart on the believers.
Jesus is the promised Savior of the world. God deslights in Jesus.
I should be looking more and more like Jesus. Jesus is not above suffering. He experienced it so He could be a merciful High Priest who understands our pain.
If He's already been working it out, we can trust Him.
Don't let his Word ring hollow.
In light of all Jesus has done, God is not capricious.
The Father has a loving heart.
His glory, our joy.
He uses tribulations to conform us more to Jesus.
Love wants to give what's most eternally satisfying.
Sometimes we just don't feel like conquerers. But we will make it through! Only by leaning solely on Christ. We cannot make it through on our own.
By trusting in Christ we are freed by everything that the law condemns." (July 20, 2008)

These things are so permanently true. However, I somehow forget them from time to time in my daily life. In the past month and a half or so I have been dealing with a lot. When I read over this, it all became so clear once again. I am being conformed to Christ. I am being brought out of the mold of the world and transformed. When I see myself loving my sin I must throw myself once again at the feet of my awesome Savior.

Praise God that He does not expect perfection but gives grace and mercy.

Please pray for:

*Some family friends of mine - their father just passed away.
*A "grandma" of sorts to me who has just been re-diagnosed with breast cancer.
*My heart, which is ever prone to wander, that God would continually bind it up for Himself. I want to be more like Christ.
*My focus, that it would be on Him and Him alone.
*Job opportunities.

Alive

I know I don't update much lately. First off, I'm alive.

Second, things are crazy! There is a lot going on (even though I am technically unemployed) and life is awesome.

I have had some great chances to meet some people and share the Gospel and God has been blessing those opportunities.

I have been trying to sleep in...and failing greatly. But that brings more productivity to my day and that is good. Someone recently asked my boyfriend David what I do with all my free time. Well, for those who are also curious:

1) Get to know people better

2) Look for opportunities to share the Gospel

3) Be looking for job opportunities

4) Getting involved in ministries at my church

5) Helping David with the youth group at his church

Thankfully this keeps me busy (for the most part). When I'm not busy, sometimes I'm napping, sometimes I'm blogging, and sometimes I'm just hanging out. But typically I'm thinking of more things to do.

Please be praying that God would be opening doors for work this next year and providing more opportunities to share him and invest (disciple) in others.

Summertime is easy enough to waste and I pray I do not do that.

Tonight...

Tonight I am overwhelmed by how much I miss the Philippines. It QUICKLY became my life.

My heart is there. It is strange for me because I still miss Indonesia and still have my heart there, as well. I think I am truly learning what it means for God's heart for the nations to be my heart for the nations.

Recently I was discussing the need for missionaries in the 10/40 window with someone and I came to tears over how badly these desperately lost people need the Gospel. So many people avoid this area because "it's not safe" or "you can't be a Christian" or "it's so far away" but really, what does that matter?

For those who do not know what the 10/40 window is, please click here. I have not scoped out this entire website but there is a map and brief explanation of this area available through this site. Also, Google (as always) produces multitudes of websites which can inform you of the 10/40 window. The most basic way to describe it is that it is a section (latitude and latitude) of the world that holds the most unreached people groups. It also holds the least missionaries.

Although the Philippines are mostly Catholic, and the Gospel is freely available, it is within these limits, as is Indonesia. My heart aches over the fact that so many people are so concerned with freedoms and trivialities and "safety" that they will not venture to these places.

Tonight I wish I was still in the Philippines serving and sharing Christ. I wish I was still having an impact in the people there. I have specific things I will do that will help but, I cannot be there to see the effects and begin conversations which may lead to the sharing of the Gospel.

Please pray for:

*My heart as I discover ways to serve and share here

*My heart as I ache to be back in South East Asia

*The people of the Philippines and Indonesia that God will reveal Himself to them

*The workers in these countries that they would faithfully serve and share

*Short term missions trips that the teams would be effective

*Joe Rodriguez as he is faithfully using his gifts and talents to build upon years of foundation that other people have laid

Bombing in Jakarta

Please keep Jakarta and the people of Indonesia in your prayers.

Click here to read about the suicide bombing that took place very recently. These people need the truth and Christians are the only ones who can bring it to them.

Pray that Christ would be calling these people to Himself and revealing the truth to the Islamic people.

Constantly being grown

I am amazed that there are constantly things wrong with me which need growth. At the same time, I'm not shocked at all.

I am an imperfect being made in the image of a perfect being. After calling me to Himself, He began the process of refining me to look more and more like Him. Sometimes, this growth is hard and it hurts. Sometimes it is a bit easier or more obvious to me what is happening.

Recently I struggled with the fact that my life does not always reflect the Gospel OR the God which I so love and cling to. He is my life and my sustenanace and yet, sometimes, my life reflects that I rely on myself and my friends for my existence.

A few nights ago I read Romans 6 and for the FIRST TIME ever, I comprehended the end as an entirety. It says,

"When you were slaves of sin, you were free in regard to righteousness. But what fruit were you getting at that time from the things of which you are now ashamed? The end of those things is death. But now that you have been set free from sin and have become slaves of God, the fruit you get leads to sanctification and its end, eternal life. For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord." (Romans 6:20-23)

This made me realize that when I choose to love sin more than I love God, I am choosing the death which I have been saved from. So why would I do that? I may be imperfect, but now that I know the choice, I should be able to choose to say no to sin and death.

This morning I read Romans 7 and was very encouraged when I read,

"I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate. NOw if I do what I do not want, I agree with the law, that it is good. So now it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me. For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me." (Romans 7: 15-20)

Paul goes on. It is encouraging because, though there is debate, it is widely believed that this debate between sin and righteouness is within a believer. I am not the only one who struggles. And there will always be things to be perfected in me. I will never be perfect while living my life. I will never be God.

And then just now, I picked up the Word again, and read in Romans 8,

"There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death. For God has done what the law, weakened by the flesh, could not do." (Romans 8:1-3)

Paul keeps on writing, but the main point is, as a believer, God has already conquered sin and death for me. I am called to fight, and fight hard, against the sin that tempts me, but when I fall, there is forgiveness. And the church provides accountability if it is a sin which I cannot seem to leave behind.

Praise God for the church and for His Word.

Keep persevering even when it seems hopeless. God is still sovereign and He always has, and always will be.

Prasie Him for that.

home

So the Philippines were AMAZING. I have tons of pictures and tons of stories of God's goodness.

I made many friends and met many people with a real love for God. It was so refreshing to meet people so zealous for His name and kingdom halfway around the world.

Now that I'm home I'm processing, reuniting with those I love, house sitting, and figuring out my work schedule. The Philippines seems a world away again and I miss it so much. I would give anything to go back. There are a few options but we'll see where God leads.

God is good. I know it was time for me to come home and I am glad I did. However I will continue in prayer for the Philippines.

If you would like to join me, please pray specifically for:

1) Jeff Long and Kids International Ministry

2) Moses, Rene, Fritz, JP, Joshua, and Charley (children from the children's home and Charley is a little boy who is part of an impoverished family)

3) Joe Rodriguez (a team member who stayed behind for 6 more weeks)

4) Mama Marilyn (the house mom/nurse of the children's home in Manila)

5) Jeremy and his family

6) Donald and his Bible study group

These children desperately need to understand the gospel and all the adults are those who are seeking wholeheartedly after Christ and His kingdom.

Please be praying that they would constantly be encouraged and growing in Christ. God's purpose is to glorify Himself and these people are all pursuing this goal with every beat of their heart.

Praise God for these opportunities and laborers in His kingdom!

quick little update

waiting in the Hong Kong airport...

so excited to come home...

about 17 hours from being at my house in Riverside, CA...

house sitting for the next 7 days...

God is good.

Please be praying for Joe as he stays in the Philippines and continues to share God's love with those who need it...

Pray for our team as we are about to board our last flight in 1 1/2 hours...

Love you all...

updateeeeee

ok, so there has been a lot going on.

we flew from Manila to Malaybalay, Mindanao. it is COLD here. Although the sun is out and it is nice till about 3 PM when it starts POURING rain.

then it continues through the evening/night. And in the morning, it is nice again.

I am sunburned.

The 4th was fun as our contacts set up bamboo canons for us and cooked hamburgers and hot dogs with potato salad.

Amazing.

Also, we have been doing more physical labor. The kids are right here on location in Malaybalay though so that's great. They come looking for Joe early in the morning and then play with us when they get home from school.

One little boy, Charley, captured me. He is always hanging around and on saturday night (the 4th) I learned he is not a member of the children's home but he is not. his family lives on the property. He comes to the home every day to get clean water, and sometimes food, for his family.

Oh how precious he is. He attached himself to me all evening and we made our plates together, shared our food, drank juice and sprite, watched people karaoke, and played psychiatrist together. he is 6. I will miss him so much.

please be praying for strength to finish. we are exhausted and sunburned. Joe will be staying for an extra 6 weeks here in the philippines. Pray for him as well as he will need endurance.

Miss you all greatly. Ever more as it grows closer to time to return.

All my love.

Photo Update 2!!

More photos to give ideas of what our life looks like here in the Philippines :)

Adventures in the Philippines!!

So today was full of adventures. This morning, we woke up at 3:30 AM to Skype into a church business meeting. Then we got to sleep in, but when we woke up, we got ready and headed outside to work! We worked around the house for a bit at first, the men helping with some constructing, the girls with some painting. However, Becky and I got asked to sort through a box of noodles (in baggies) and find the ones which had not been eaten into by bugs...

Soooo...

We found some cockroaches and other nice little surprises. Halfway through the box we turned it over to some of the guys and headed to paint.

At 3 PM we began to get ready to leave for a local squatter village where a fire had started last weekend. We traveled by foot deep into the village and I was surprised that anyone had survived the fire considering the depth of the village.

When we got there, crowds literally came from nowhere surrounding us for food, water, and clothing. Somehow, I was not consumed with the fear of being stampeded (though that was a present threat) but I was actually thrilled to just be there, pouring hope into these people's lives through the love of Christ.

We did not have much time as we had to be back at Miles' (Emily's) house as soon as possible to help with the impoverished children's ministry that she runs. Tonight was a blast and we have tons of pictures and videos. Tomorrow is our last night working there and early on Thursday morning we leave Manila to travel to Malaybalay and work with more construction sites.

Praise God for all these opportunities! :)

Two more photos

These two photos are two of the most precious boys EVER! Rene is in the back and he is 14. Fritz is in the front and he is 10. It is Fritz's life goal to teach me Tagalog. :) This was just a few minutes ago at church!

Photo update

Today I decided to do a mainly photo update. There has been so much going on it is very hard to write about it all. Especially because I am still processing.

Children are everywhere here and that means my heart is firmly planted.

I know I have said this before but my team is genuinely amazing. We have had SUCH a great time together and everyone always has such a positive attitude...even when the going gets tough.

Enjoy the pictures!!

Tita Becca

Here at the children's home, I am "Tita Becca" (Aunt Becca) according to the kids. I love it.
Moses, me, and JP. I LOVE them with every fiber in my being. I pray for them to find amazing homes where the parents love and fear Christ and instill this in these two boys.

This is how close we are to poverty. I walk by this at least twice a day.

Rain!!

The PHILIPPINES from a plane!!

Three PRECIOUS children that God has created and placed here.

"My" Moses. Don't tell the others I call him that. ;)

These are some pictures. I love it here and I love these kids. I could not imagine leaving them so I won't just yet.

God has been awesome in providing opportunities to love on them. I have spent quite a bit of time with them and each time I go back, I want to stay longer. Hopefully I'll be working a graveyard shift in the nursery soon. I worked a 6 hour shift yesterday afternoon/evening and fell in love.

It is soon time to return for a couple hours. They will wake up from their naps in about 30 minutes.

Praise God for all these opportunities! Please continue praying for the team.

We miss you all and love you all!

Life here is different. Filipino time is very relaxed. Family is HUGELY important. Loyalty is valued. Children are dear.

Life is precious. Love is vital. Affection is limited. Joy is prevalent.

I am not excited to leave. I want to continue here. That gives me great encouragement in my future endeavors.

Thank you all so much for your love and support!

PHILIPPINEEEEEEES!

Ok, so today is just day 2 in the Philippines but I am in love for MANY reasons...

1) the kids
2) my team
3) it is VERY reminiscent of Indonesia
4) the heat (weird, I know)
5) the food
6) the kids
7) the kids

haha. I LOVE the children we are working with. Ira is a VERY sweet girl who took to me IMMEDIATELY and gives me kisses on the cheek and hugs and leads me around by holding my hand.

I love her.

This is VERY short. I just wanted to let everyone know I am ok and that things are going well.

I will miss this place when I leave.

It leaves Indonesia very heavy on my heart, though. This is the life I was made for.

Love you all. Thank you for all your support and love.

Philippines blog!

To keep up with our team, click here :) I will be emailing on a weekly basis and hopefully posting here, but we will also be keeping a blog updated weekly (or more often) on that website as well. Thanks for your prayers and support! We leave in 2 days!! :)

Only God.

God is the sole reason for all that I do. Every breath I take. Every word I speak. Every morning I awake.

God provides everything that I need. Sometimes I think I need something and I don't. But I'm slowly learning that He is providing what I need.

This summer has been a mess of saying good bye to friends for the summer, seeing David off on his trip, preparing for mine, and trying to find work all at the same time. Work is HARD to come by this summer!

Anyway, I have been babysitting just enough to take care of my cell phone bill (which is a blessing) and start saving up for my plane ticket to Peru (an even bigger blessing!).

Please continue praying for work for both me and David. We need good jobs...

Things I have learned while David has been gone:

*How to have a thriving prayer life.

*How to rely solely on Christ for giving me strength.

*How to love people.

*How to be diligent in the Word.

*To be more humble.

I am not perfect, and these are all things which I have been working on, but have been forced to grow quite a BIT in while David has been gone. Without Christ, I am nothing. And I find that while David is gone, I am learning more and more how much I love him and cannot wait to be on the mission field serving Christ. Of course I have great opportunities to serve here, as well.

There is something so exciting about going to a new place, meeting new people, learning the language and the lifestyle, and spending my life sharing the Gospel. Of course it's not easy. But it's what my heart longs to do. Many of you (faithful readers haha) know that my heart is enveloped with Indonesia.

But this summer I am going to the Philippines to work at an orphanage with children. I cannot WAIT! I love children and I want to just sit with them and love on them and let them know that Christ loves them more than I do and I love them a lot already. Each one is precious and is meant to be loved. Please visit KIM to get an idea of who I'll be working with.

I want to see people's lives changed because of the Word of Christ and His truth. I want to see people learn to love and learn to be loved because of Christ's work in their life. I want to see how God blesses my work and my heart through this.

As C.S. Lewis says in his book The Weight of Glory,

If you asked twenty good men today what they thought the highest of the virtues, nineteen of them would reply, Unselfishness. But if you had asked almost any of the great Christians of old, he would have replied, Love. You see what has happened? A negative term has been subsituted for a positive, and this is of more than philological importance. The negative idea of Unselfishness carries with it the suggestion not primarily of securing good things for others, but of going without them ourselves, as if our abstinence and not their happiness was the important point. I do not think this is the Christian virtue of Love. The New Testament has lots to say about self-denial, but not about self-denial as an end in itself. We are told to deny ourselves and to take up our crosses in order that we may follow Christ; and nearly every description of what we shall ultimately find if we do so contains an appeal to desire. If there lurks in most modern minds the notion that to desire our own good and earnestly to hope for the enjoyment of it is a bad thing, I submit that this notion has crept in from Kant and the Stoics and is no part of the Christian faith. Indeed, if we consider the unblushing promises of reward and the staggering nature of the rewards promised in the Gospels, it would seem that Our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased. (25-26)

I want to be serving because I want to see God's work being accomplished "to the ends of the earth" and I want to take part in that. I want to be loving people everywhere and learning life in another culture. I want to experience God's creation and His people. I want to live with them and become friends. I want to share His Word with everyone I can.

That needs to start here at home. I need to be sharing with people around me, but sometimes I become weak in my flesh and allow fear of man to outweigh my fear of God. (Charity! I understand.) Pray for me that this would not happen any longer, but I would speak up with boldness, especially considering I am in a place with relatively nothing to fear in regards to persecution.

Pray for:

*David's trip

*My trip

*Both teams

*Boldness and clarity when sharing the Gospel

*Rest before and during our trips

Relearning

Sometimes I'm amazed at how I learn and relearn things.

To put it simply...

I know my value is in Christ. And I am being reminded of that a lot lately. That it lies in nobody else. This is my perpetual struggle. And I feel like I fight so hard and I grow and learn more and more. And then I have to be reminded.

But that is where my worth lies. And I am so THANKFUL for this truth.

Pray for:

*A job for me. I need one.
*David's trip.
*My trip.

*My love for others.

*Safety for teams.

Philippines!!!

Well, no, I'm not leaving yet. But I will be in just 5 short weeks! It's SO crazy to me!

Last summer, I was in SE Asia, this summer I will be in the same area but a much different type of place. One friend said, "When you're in Manila, you will look around and think, 'Wow! I'm in a rundown version of America.'" He then went on to tell me that when I go to Mindanao I will be in a much different place and realize I am truly in a developing country.

I cannot WAIT for each opportunity to love on people, encourage missionaries, and share the Gospel. THIS is what I was MADE FOR.

My dad told me about 1 1/2 years ago, "I've known since you were 5 that this is what you would do." Hmm...

How did he know and I didn't know till November of 2007? I don't care how, it's amazing to know he supports me! (Thanks, Daddy!) =)

The more involved I am in the Gospel and the sharing of it, the more I realize this is exactly what we're all created for, in different venues. This is where I belong, in other countries, loving on people who many reject. Loving on those who others have forgotten about. Loving on those who do not love me or the God I serve.

Lord, bless this time.

Pray for:

*David's trip to Asia. (He leaves tomorrow! yikes!)

*My trip to the Philippines.

*Our time apart, that God would be growing us and our relationship.

*The workers who will be loving on us that we would be able to encourage them.

*That the Gospel would be shared purely and truly.

The Packing Never Ends

Ha. My title really does say it all. Every day since last Friday I have been either 1) cleaning or 2) packing. Today is the last day until Tuesday when I help David pack for his 5 week trip. Then I pack a few weeks later for my 3 week trip. Crazy.

But really - I feel like I am constantly either moving myself or moving someone else. But I guess that's a good reminder that we don't really have a home here. Our home is in Heaven with our Creator, His Son, and the Holy Spirit. Praise the Lord for this simple truth.

To think...when I was younger I hated the idea of "not having a home" but now it is such a blessing to me. Yes, I sometimes become attached to the places I am staying, but ever since college began, and I lived out of boxes the summer after my freshman year in my own home, I began to realize how comforting this fact is. I never have to worry about somewhere to stay, or whatever, because nowhere is my home. I am here for a short time with a pointed purpose, making disciples.

As long as I am doing this, why should I worry? God is providing constantly, even when I feel like things could be better. I love the way they are. God is good in every situation.

Even when things are going horribly, He is good. I praise Him for that.

The End

Finals are over. I submitted my last one yesterday, officially making me a senior in college!!! I can't BELIEVE this time is here...

I haven't started packing my room, which I guess is of no consequence yet since I don't have to...wait....can't...move out till next Tuesday.

Check outs have been hectic. Just gonna put this out there - without parents - some girls just don't know how to clean.

I have 8 tomorrow. Then, thankfully, a double date.

Speaking of the man (haha) he is leaving for his 5 week trip on May 13th. He gets back June 20th and I leave June 19th and return on July 11th. (That's 61 days apart for those of you realizing we won't see each other between those dates at ALL.)

I'm currently working on a present for him.

I feel strange. I am done with my junior year. The anxiety hit me earlier today. I'm not sure why. I'm EXCITED for my senior year. But - for a bit I had anxiety overcome me.

God is faithful. He always has been. I don't know why I'm worried.

But as my friend showed (through the story of her day) it is in those times, the worst days, the anxiety, that Christ shines through us more than any other time. When we surrender and let Him be in control, we show who He really is, not who we want Him to be.

Pray for the safety of my team as we travel to the Philippines.

Pray for David's team as they travel to Asia.

Pray for the ISP teams leaving from my school to multiple places.

Pray for the hearts of the lost that they would be ready to hear the Gospel.

Pray for my patience.

Pray for God's guidance.

Finals and Freedom.

Finals are upon us. They officially start on Thursday but don't let that fool you into thinking professors haven't started them already. Unofficially of course. ;)

Here is my current facebook status: "Becca Ubrun is is TIRED and THOROUGHLY ready to be done with classes. 1 Finished. 4 left. 2 tests. 3 papers. Freedom is near. And shortly thereafter, death. ;)"

That's what my life looks like. I count by classes and assignments. I am worn out and weary and yet, God keeps teaching me.

I am learning what it is to love in good and bad. In easy and hard. With feelings and without. God has been so good to give me the most patient boyfriend. He is so good to me (He being God...) and has blessed me with an amazing friend and confidant in David.

Amidst dating and Res Life (which, by the way, holds me hostage until May 5th here on campus), I have friendships and family to be visiting and growing closer to. I love my life and for nothing would I trade it.

I have a staff meeting tonight followed by the last mandatory meeting for my residents. They will be leaving me soon and I will be left wondering, just like last year, how much of an impact I had and whether it could have been more.

In other news, I ordered two books on Saturday for a paper (as well as buying two on Thursday that I hope can help on that same paper...we'll see) and they already came in! I didn't even rush order them. Thanks, Amazon. I'm impressed.

I miss the Office. I haven't seen it in ages (maybe about 3 weeks) and I probably won't see it at all next semester seeing as I'll be busy on Thursday nights at 8:30-9:30 or 10. I can always watch it online later...right? (Provided I have better internet than CBU haha...which I will.)

Again, in different areas of life, I came into contact with a friend again today. His name is Levi and I haven't seen him since September...maybe early October. He moved back home and started dating someone he's cared about for a while. Tomorrow is their 6 months. I'm so happy for him and it's so encouraging to see the way God is working in his life. He is growing up to be quite a fine man and I am very happy for his girlfriend.

Well, David will be out of class in 7 minutes and then we'll be having lunch. I should be going now...Then it's off to paper writing and reading and (hopefully) enjoying some sunshine. It was 96 here yesterday, something unreasonable again today, and supposed to be 101ish tomorrow. But then on Wednesday (Campus Day!!!) it will be back to high 70s, low 80s. Puji Tuhan! ;)

Some things...

I have learned a LOT recently, thanks to God's goodness.

1) Don't take your staff for granted. They are incredible and deserve intentional thanks.
2) Don't push them away. They will be there for you when nobody else is because nobody else lives with 26 freshmen girls and knows how you feel (Thanks, Katie!).
3) Take every opportunity to serve and love. Not only is it Biblical, you physically and emotionally feel better when you do.
4) Trust God. When you are trying to measure up to the standards of man, everything will fail. When you decide to quit that, love God, love others, and serve Him, you will suddenly surpass expectations.
5) When an RA, set PERSONAL goals of success on your hall and NEVER compare to others.
6) Start friendships early on your staff. It's never too late, but you may feel like it...
7) Take pictures like there's no tomorrow.
8) Laugh at EVERYTHING or nothing will seem good.
9) Forgive quickly.
10) Let go of things.
11) Love so passionately and serve so wholeheartedly it can't be questioned.

I have more but tonight is already going to be a late night and I shouldn't be writing this considering I have other things to do...

Love you all. Praise Him.

Insert Title Here

This is a multipurpose blog post I guess.

I haven't caught up much in the last month. I have officially had the busiest month of my life, and yet April will be even busier. I can handle it, it's just crazy! haha.

March was PAKCED with Res Life events, school assignments, tests, dates =), visiting family, and spending time with friends. Let's not forget the occasional Saturday work in the computer lab.

The week before break was the worst week of my college career. It seemed everything was going wrong, nothing was going right, and no matter what I did, nothing got done on time.

However, over break, God did some AMAZING work in my heart. Coming back, I have a MUCH changed attitude and love for the people around me. Not to mention those hardest for me to love. God has completely replaced the bitterness and pessimism in my heart with love and optimism. I could not be more thankful and there is NO WAY I could ever take the credit for it.

Also, I am still a procrastinator (in some areas) for those that wondered. I am currently having two people proof read my support letter for this summer so I can get them mailed in the next week. It's crazy to think a year has gone by (over a year since I had my letters out in February last year!!) since I last wrote one of these. Yes, my heart still aches for Indonesia. I can't stop missing it no matter how hard I try. I have just accepted that some day, some how, for some length of time, I will return.

As I miss Indonesia, I am reminded to pray for those I know and even for those I don't. Please join me in these prayer. The Ms over there need your support and prayer is the best way to support them if you do not know them.

As I am preparing for the Philippines, I am struck by how different my life is this year. I am in a relationship with a truly amazing man, I am headed to the Philippines, I will not be doing student leadership next school year, and the one thing that remains the same is my desire to love people and spread the gospel.

In other news, my summer job has not yet been picked. Whoo, me! I may be nannying again as Laura may be returning to Hawaii for her internship. There are also a few other places I am considering applying at. We will see how that turns out. Be praying for me in this, as well, that God will provide a job.

School is going well. I have a few papers and a couple projects left to complete and then classes will be done. I have about 10 events for Res Life in April (maybe a slight exaggeration but not much!). Soon it will all be over, though, and I will be thinking back on my junior year and wondering where it went. I have TONS of amazing memories and I hope to never forget them.

Over spring break, I spent a day in San Francisco with my boyfriend, David, and we walked about 6 miles on top of driving many different places. I even parallel parked my stick shift uphill. =) Yes, I'm quite pleased with myself. =) We saw lots of sights including, but not limited to, Lombard Street, Mrs. Doubtfire home, Full House home, and Full House park/Victorian homes.

I will be living in Riverside again this summer and hope to have awesome opportunities for sharing Christ.

Romans 15:20-21. Still my life verse. Oh, how I miss Indonesia.

21 and over

This is a new experience. While I don't physically feel any different, which I didn't expect to, I definitely feel a difference. I haven't quite been able to place my finger on it but, I would say that 21 is a different experience all together. I would say I feel like I have more responsibilities, but I don't. The Christian life doesn't make a distinction between 20 and 21. It makes it clear, though, that as I grow in Christ, my life should continually be changing to look more like Him.

My culture will view me different now, though. I can drink. That's about the only difference. How sad. If that's the only difference they see in me, what a waste of my life. I want to be going beyond and creating a different lifestyle for myself.

My Savior is far more beautiful than the life this world has to offer me. This life leads to depression, anxiety, disorders, and ultimately death. I don't want that. I want this Christ who rescued me so long ago and has made me a new creation. (II Cor. 5:17) He has given me the opportunity (and command) to live a life that is glorifying to Him. He has given me gifts with which to best do this.

I am SO BLESSED to have a life each and every day. Each morning He gives me new mercy and the grace which He has bestowed upon us is sufficient (Lam. 2:22-23 and II Cor. 12:9). Each morning when He grants me another day, I am so thankful.

But sometimes I still struggle. And I was thinking, if Jesus really IS so beautiful to me...above all these temptations...then why do I struggle? Well, because until the glorification, I will still be fighting the flesh. In my weakness, He is strong. But kind of like Romans 6, I should not continue just accepting my weakness and not fighting the flesh. God is not glorified MORE in my weakness, but He does SHINE in my weakness. His strength is seen clearly, but it is also seen in the transformation of my life through Him.

I have been involved in an INCREDIBLE discipleship opportunity this semester. (To see the kind of stuff we're working with, click on Brian and go to the "resources" section. The document entitled "The Bridge" is an incredible way to share Christ!) Through this group, I have learned and grown a lot! God is really working in me to see the even deeper impacts of His salvation on my life. There are days when I feel like I'll never stop learning about Christ. And I won't. He brought me to Himself, and the more I know Him, the more I love Him, and the more I love Him, the more I seek to know Him. It's a glorious circle of loving and knowing the Christ who has saved me.

As I continue through my junior year, God has been blessing me with the best friends I could ever have asked for. They encourage me, humble me when necessary, and are not afraid to call me out. Praise the LORD for these kinds of people!

Also, as a sidenote: Thank you to all my friends and family who have wished me a Happy 21st! I greatly appreciate and love each one of you! You have meant more to me than I could ever explain! Thank YOU for being faithful in our relationships, and forgiving me when I fail you. :)

SE Asia

Tonight, I miss SE Asia. It weighs heavy on my heart.

My friends and family there are on my mind. My heart beats to see them once more. I feel much like Paul when he says, "This is the reason why I have so often been hindered from coming to you. But now, since I no longer have any room for work in these regions, and since I have longed for many years to come to you, I hope to see you in passing as I go to Spain, and to be helped on my journey there by you, once I have enjoyed your company for a while...I know that when I come to you I will come in the fullness of the blessing of Christ. I appeal to you, brother, by our Lord Jesus Christ and by the love of the Spirit, to strive together with me in your prayers to God on my behalf, that I may be delivered from the unbelievers in Judea, and that my service for Jerusalem may be acceptable to the saints, so that by God's will I may come to you with joy and be refreshed in your company. May the God of peace be with you all. Amen." (Romans 15:22-24, 29-33)

A precursor to these verses is Romans 15:20-21 which says, "and thus I make it my ambition to preach the gospel, not where Christ has already been named, lest I build on someone else's foundation, but as it is written, 'Those who have never been told of him will see, and those who have never heard will understand.'" Just like Paul, this is why I cannot yet return to SE Asia.

My heart aches like this. I know there is a purpose that I am not going back this summer. I know there is a purpose for me in another place. I know there is a purpose for all that happens in my life and yet my heart aches to be back. Tears are brought to my eyes as I remember so many faces, names, and hearts. So many friendships began and so many friendships have continued. I am so blessed by my Creator to have had this opportunity. I understand I may never go back, but just like Paul, I know that when I do (if I do), it will be in the fullness of the blessing of Christ. My heart aches. My eyes water. I miss this place.

Please pray. Pray for peace, pray for calm, pray for opportunities. I want so desperately to go back if the opportunity ever presents itself. I have a place to go, I have people to stay with, I just need the opportunity. But God has not provided that and I know it may never come. I am ok with that, but it will be a painful experience. I have cried many tears. I believe I left my heart in SE Asia.

Weekends

Normally my weekends are pretty busy. I guess you could say this one is, as well, but not in the usual way.

Currently I am sitting on my bed, taking a break from reading, and listening to some Trace Bundy. Check out his music. Anyway, Ruthie Wilkins is on my floor working on art homework, and her roommate Kelly is with us reading Twilight. Elizabeth will be meeting us soon for dinner. But the point of what I was getting at is that I'm here, on campus, doing homework. This is not my normal Saturday. Normally I am at Caleb and David's house by around 6:30 PM going to college group and then hanging out for a few hours. But not tonight. I am on duty! :)

I get the privilege (and responsibility) of staying on campus all weekend and leaving up my name, number, and room number in case a resident here in the dorms needs my assistance. (Resident ASSISTANT haha)

Also, there is another purpose to this weekend. One which I am grateful for. This weekend is dedicated to speific prayer for a specific area in my life. One which I take seriously and one in which I want to glorify God with all my decisions and actions. I have not yet gotten time to myself so as to be in prayer, but I have some time set aside later on for me to be alone and dedicated strictly to prayer.

I have found that prayer and Bible reading in solitude is a great asset to my walk with Christ. Without these things, I would be worthless to people each and every day. But by doing these things, I allow God to work through me in other people. If I am not spending time in His word and with Him in open and REAL (including listening) communication, yes, of course He can still use me, but that is not the point. I NEED this time with Him to be effective in my life. I NEED this time with Him because I love Him and I need time with those I love.

Superbowl Sunday

So here I am, hanging out with Caleb and David while the Superbowl plays on in the other room.

I am a big fan of sports and I definitely miss the days when I played. Those were some GOOD times. :) But here's a thought...

Today during our college group, I definitely noticed we kept getting distracted by talk of the Superbowl rather than focusing solely on God's word (specifically Romans) and the concept of grace which we were talking about. Why are we so easily distracted by these temporal things which cause us to not focus on God and who He is and what He has taught us?

Not that football is bad. DON'T think that. Football is fun and I love hanging out with friends enjoying a game or whatever. I just wonder...why is it so hard to focus on God?

And not only today...but often I find myself praying, singing, or reading and realize that for the past couple minutes I haven't noticed anything I've been trying to focus on, rather I'm completely consumed in what my plans are for the next day, week, or whatever. Sometimes spring break even consumes my thoughts and that's 6 weeks away!! (from today haha)

I pray that I would learn better to quiet my heart, or rather allow God to, and focus on Him and only Him. I pray that I would learn to listen better when I pray and when I take times to just be quiet.

Happy Superbowl Sunday :)

No Lies

There would be no way for me to ever get away with the lie that life is easy. It's just not. I learned that in the last few days in a couple areas of my life.

1) Relationships
2) Trust

Neither one of these is easy. And sometimes we make mistakes and we learn from them.

Life is hard.

LIFE IS HARD.

Yes. It is.

God is so faithful, though. He pulls me through time and time again. I am currently both emotionally and physically exhausted but I know He is there, sustaining me in His grace, which He promises to renew each morning. Enough for that day. Why do I need more? He is perfection.

Update

Well, this isn't much of a thought provoking blog for once...it's more of an update on life.

Since Christmas, my life has been a whirlwind of people, activities, and classes. I arrived back on campus on January 2nd to start up a refresher course over the next few days and prepare for the RA semester. It was busy but nice. They even took all of us on staff to Knotts Berry Farm.

Starting the next Wednesday were classes. It feels like I have been here for a month, and yet, as I look back, it's been about 2 weeks. God has been giving me such a peace about some bigger things in life, which is definitely nice.

Keeping Him in focus and seeking Him has been so rewarding this semester. It always is, and yet, sometimes it's still something I forget to do. But this semester I will not live without that time. Thank God that He gives us as much time as we want. So why do I fail to give Him more time than I do? (Something for me to think about and mend.)

Classes will be quite challenging this semester but my goal is straight A's. (Dad, please don't hold me to this as fact yet...haha.) They will be rewarding and I just know it. I just need to dedicate myself.

I am beginning to prepare for my trip to the Philippines this summer...which reminds me AGAIN that I haven't sent out my thank you letters from LAST summer. I'm REALLY bad about things like that. I need to work on that...something to add to the list.

I have some goals for this semester...
1) Straight A's
2) Building a better community on my hall
3) Really being committed to the discipleship program I'm involved in

These are the three I wrote down this morning. I'm sure I'll have more soon.

I'll be updating more and writing more hopefully in the next few weeks.