The end is near

So today I finished my finals for this year. I have officially completed 1/2 of my college career. Well, so far as my undergrad years are concerned. It feels great and yet weird and I am also left with many questions.

*Did I impact people in the way I set out to do?

*Have I been a good influence for those around me?

*Have I glorified Christ with my life this school year?

*Have I truly given my school work "my all"?

*Have I worked my hardest?

*Have I been content in what Christ has given me?

These questions all sit before me and now that finals are done, I am able to slowly process through each one of them. And these questions are not alone; there are many more that come with them. The ones that are answered in a satisfactory way are enjoyable. Those which are not to my satisfaction leave me with challenges for this summer and next school year. Things which I have not done well, I want to do much better. Things which I have done well, I want to keep up and improve upon.

God has given me grace for today and I thank Him for that. He knows what I need and He has provided. Thank goodness He knows even though I do not. Sometimes I am so arrogant in believing I know best what I need. Thankfully He looks beyond my arrogance and takes care of me.

This summer I truly want to immerse myself in His word thereby creating a pattern to continue doing so throughout my life. Also, I want to learn more of who He is. Yes I know He is merciful, graceful, loving, and yet just. But there is obviously so much more and I want to know that. This God who has created me and drawn me to Him is so wonderful and yet there is still so much I do not know. I want to know. I want to love Him even more.

In a slight way, I am reminded of William Goldman's book "The Princess Bride" where his heroine (Buttercup) is declaring her love to his hero (Westley).

"I love you," Buttercup said. "...I have loved you for several hours now, and every second, more. I thought an hour ago that I loved you more than any woman has ever loved a man, but a half hour after that I knew that what I felt before was nothing compared to what I felt then. But ten minutes after that, I understood that my previous love was a puddle compared to the high seas before a storm. ...I love you so much more now than twenty minutes ago that there cannot be comparison."

However my favorite line (in comparison of how I wish to love my God) from this confession of love is this.

"There is no room in my body for anything but you."

I pray that my sole focus would be Christ. I pray that He would consume me and no longer would other things in my life become distractions (thereby becoming my life) rather than Christ.

Isn't it funny?

I find it sometimes downright entertaining how God goes about doing things. This last semester right into this semester is one such example.

My church is very missions driven. Honestly, I love it, but at first I resisted it. I didn't see the need for me to be involved in missions. I had friends who were, so why should I have to go, also? Someone's gotta stay here, right? Ugh. Yeah..sure.

Last semester, I met a boy named Jonathan who definitely challenged me to see missions differently. I was becoming more and more open to the idea but still resisted how much my church pushes missions. Really, it's nothing over the top. It's a good amount of pushing but I was resisting like no other. Then, at school, we had a speaker named David Platt who REALLY pushed us to realize that missions is a calling and that really, nowhere is "home" except for Heaven so why are we so concerned about where we are on this earth?

So David Platt pushed me to really realize that it is a command and that, really, I had been forcing down this huge desire to go. I have a gift for learning languages, I love people, my spiritual gift is encouragement, and I want other people to know the Christ I know. I want to go places, understand cultures, spread His glory, and love on people around the world. I was finally admitting it...

Then one Sunday at church, my friend Dain spoke about his trip to Rwanda. I remember with a surprising amount of clarity how much a statement of his struck me. The dumb choice on my part was to not write what that statement was. That is frustrating to me tonight because I really wish I did. However, I have some clues. I did write the following three statements:

1) "Sidenote: I just need to sign up. God will provide. Get over my fears and obey. Funny how your biggest fears become your greatest passion."

2) "Signed up: Southeast Asia. Greatest fear: Missions."

3) "Yet another push in the right direction of what I've been struggling with..."

Anyway, whatever Dain said pushed me that very day to sign up for a missions trip that was being offered. I didn't know Dain at the time, but then, he signed up for the same trip. I've gotten to hang out with him a few times. It's funny how God uses people you don't know, allows you to know them, and then just seems to bring things full circle.

Thanks, Dain, for that last little push. God is really working through you.

I posted this post originally on a different blog. Then I realized that everyone could probably benefit from this because my main point is really that God works through people. Sometimes He works through a friend, a professor, a pastor...Sometimes He works through the Holy Spirit in you. I had been pushing aside my greatest fear and yet, now, it's one of my greatest passions. I want to go. I want to share. I want to be His hands and feet around the world.

Romans 10:14-17

"But how are they to call on him in whom they have not believed? And how are they to believe in him of whom they have never heard? And how are they to hear without someone preaching? And how are they to preach unless they are sent? As it is written, 'How beautiful are the feet of those who preach the good news!' But they have not all obeyed the gospel. For Isaiah says, 'Lord, who has believed what he has heard from us?' So faith comes from hearing, and hearing through the word of Christ."

I have been sent...

Matthew 28:18-20

"And Jesus came and said to them, 'All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age.'"

Mark 16:15

"And he said to them, 'Go into all the world and proclaim the gospel to the whole creation.'"

Luke 24:45-47

"The he opened their [the disciples'] minds to understand the Scriptures, and said to them, 'Thus it is written, that the Christ should suffer and on the third day rise from the dead, and that repentance and forgiveness of sins should be proclaimed in his name to all nations, beginning from Jerusalem.'"

John 20:21

"Jesus said to them again, 'Peace be with you. As the Father has sent me, even so I am sending you.'"

Acts 1:8

"But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit has come upon you, and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the end of the earth."

No these verses don't mean spending a life overseas because that is not what everybody has to do. But it at least means living to glorify and spread Christ's name and message to all those in our lives, no matter where we may be. For myself, I have chosen overseas work. But these verses apply even if you are not involved in full time missions work. The challenge from these verses is, "Am I glorifying Him and sharing Him through my life, actions, and words within my daily life?"